HUMOUROUS BUMPER STICKERS

If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.

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If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.

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If that phone was up your butt, maybe you could drive a little better.

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YES, this is my pickup. NO, I will not help you move.

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Cover me.  I'm changing lanes.

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I brake for no apparent reason.

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Forget about world peace.
Visualize using your turn signal.

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No radio - already stolen.

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Keep honking...I'm reloading.

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Caution!  I drive like you do.

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Student Driver
Get the hell out of my way!

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OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

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I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

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So many stupid people...so few comets.

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We have enough youth.
How about a Fountain of Smart?

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He who laughs last thinks slowest.

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Lottery:  A tax on people who are bad at math.

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It IS as bad as you think
and they ARE out to get you.

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Auntie Em...Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog.
Dorothy

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Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

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Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

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Out of my mind.
Back in five minutes.

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Born free.
Taxed to death.

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The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

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Laugh alone and the world things you're an idiot.

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I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

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Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.

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Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.

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Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

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All generalizations are false.

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Montana -- At least our cows are sane!

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I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

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Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

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If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

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When you do a good deed,
get a receipt in case heaven is like the IRS.

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Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.

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I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

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Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

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Few women admit their age.  Fewer men act it.

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I don't suffer from insanity.  I enjoy every minute of it.

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Tell me to "stuff it."  I'm a taxidermist.

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IRS:  We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

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Time is the best teacher.
Unfortunately it kills all its students.

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It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

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According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

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Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.

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Pride is what we have.
Vanity is what others have.

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A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

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Reality?  Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?

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How can I miss you if you won't go away?

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Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

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We are born naked, wet, and hungry.
Then things get worse.

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Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

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Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

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Friends help you move.
Real friends help you move bodies.

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Very funny, Scotty.
Now beam down my clothes.

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Don't squat with your spurs on.

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Consciousness:  That annoying time between naps.

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I souport publik edekashun.

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Be nice to your kids.
They'll choose your nursing home.

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There are three kinds of people:
Those who can count and those who can't.

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Warning:  Dates in calendar are closer than they appear!

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Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

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My kid beat up your honor student. But he’s still stupid.

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Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

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Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

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A closed mouth gathers no foot.

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I don't discriminate, I hate everyone!

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Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

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Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings".

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If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

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It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

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Good judgment comes from bad experience,
and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

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Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

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Duct tape is like the Force.
It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

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There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

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Never miss a good chance to shut up.

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By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

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So many men, so few who can afford me.

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God made us sisters, Prozac made us friends.

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If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going.

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My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.

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Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.

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Coffee, chocolate, men ... Some things are just better rich.

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Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.

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If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

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I've run out of estrogen - and I have a gun.

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Guys have feelings too. But like...who cares?

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Next mood swing: 6 minutes

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And your point is?